The first hard part

I have tremendous respect for my principal.  He's amazing.  I wish that my school existed in MN, because I'd retire there.  My principal actually pushes my newspaper students to attack him in the newspaper.  He wants them to use their democratic right of press and is okay with being put on the spot for his decisions.  What administrator has more faith in the learning process than this?  He knows that if they go too far, that's a learning opportunity and not time for prior-review or censorship.  He knows that by developing a real voice, they'll have a real chance.  

More than I want to admit, I feel challenged and uncomfortable at my school.  The obstacles are huge, but the professionalism and passion of the task-at-hand are bigger.  I like that I'm always growing in my profession, in incredible bounds, and that the risks I take are valued by my administration and not scorned.  It's what made telling my principal today that I'm not returning next year so hard.  He was shocked, I from his reaction: completely physical - red face, flurried breathing.  Yet supportive and understanding.  I've been dreading this day.  I know how hard it is to find good teachers so I wanted him to have time.

Some days I walk out of the building with this guilty feeling of relief, like I won't have to deal with this next year - forgetting that in the end, I'm always thankful for having to deal with this.  Today I walked out feeling a small sense of grief as I start to prepare myself to say goodbye to the school that served my entire purpose these past three years.

By the time I got to my car, I mostly realized that I took the first step in gathering the myrrh.  Soon it will be lit. 

New Beginnings, Commonly Done

It's time to leave Baltimore.  I've been teaching here for three years now, and while I almost always love it, the love affair of traveling across the country, alone, making it work, and digging my heals into a new territory has faded.  I'm left restless in my life outside of work.  A painful contradiction, because my life has been all about teaching, happily.  Well, my personal life has flourished in the last three years and emptied in the past year.  I think this is a good thing, even though it often feels like a bad thing; teaching is no longer enough.  

It's time to head back to Minnesota where more awaits.  

I've enjoyed blogging in the past, dearly, but have found myself saying nothing spectacular and thought it best to stop.  Well, now I just want to reflect on where I've been and where I want to go.  So much is about to change for me that it might be nice to put it all out there for myself to analyze later, for friends and any potential readers to comment on, and just to get back to public expression.  I want to feel a little bit like the writer I once was.  

Starting a new blog, something I've done once or twice.  It's how it works, you know, these blogs.