Working & Moving

I have been working entirely too hard. So now I find myself attached to the profession in a way I haven't felt in a long time - like Red Lake long. There wasn't a holistic love, I realize in hindsight, for my teaching job in Baltimore. There were major and minor parts drenched in passion but pockets of resentment, disappointment, and annoyance. I was teaching a bullshit curriculum in a school with colleagues who I didn't connect with on a deeper level (besides one who is a close friend, and a few other acquaintances). The administration was fabulous, but there was always this raging "I teach tough kids" attitude from the majority of the staff that was a little nauseating. Again, not from my small cluster of friends, but from the "star teachers." I just didn't care to associate. We taught kids. Do your job; don't make a mockery of it, give 'em their rights. What I did love that got me through the year with dignity was creating our high school newspaper. Hands down...that made sticking out another year in Baltimore worth it. Truly.

Things are different now. I'm teaching in a totally different situation. And it is amazing. Nobody is for show. I can imagine developing meaningful relationships with all my coworkers. I actually enjoy the curriculum in general and am given the freedom to develop and execute it. Everything I believe in, foundationally as an educator, is accepted and promoted here.

The school is unstable. It's unclear if we will survive the year financially. If we do, I'm not totally sure if I can survive the job at the end of the year financially, if the school can afford me. Teacher pay is shitty enough, but this school pays a lot less than others. Right now this concerns me only a little. There is so much reward and enjoyment in the kids and the staff that it's really refreshing to love my job again, in every way that I imagined and did before.

And maybe this is the difference? I love my time with my co teacher and students so much that the bullshit of strange decisions and job instability are actually in the background for the first time.

I just need to pull back a little. It's Friday night; I'm sick with exhaustion. Literally thought I was coming down with a flu but just needed to sleep the ick off.

I have a few more big things on my plate like finding a place to live that makes sense for my dogs and my urban wants, networking and meeting new people, and getting involved in some social issues. Work is sorting itself out, finding its niche, and soon I'll etch out some balance again.